The Reiki Way: Healing Family Dynamics by Julie Tringali Mulhern

Since incorporating Reiki into my life, it has become a powerful tool for healing aspects of my life in unexpected ways. Reiki helped me find wholeness again when the person my big, loving Italian family taught me to be did not align with the adult I have become. Reiki broke down barriers that had developed between my sister, Jessica, and me, and helped us rebuild our relationship through love and mutual respect. Here I will describe my family life growing up, how things changed between my sister and me as we grew older, and how a Reiki retreat changed everything.
My sisters and I were raised with an Italian upbringing on both our mother and father’s side. I loved being part of a large Italian family where strong family bonds, respect for tradition and unity were taught and practiced from a very young age. We would enjoy each other’s company at weekly birthday celebrations, Sunday pasta dinners, church events, etc. And, I couldn’t talk about my family dynamics without mentioning my favorite family tradition of all time- our annual Italian cookie baking day. In my family, once we were old enough to sit up at a table, we were learning to make Italian cookies. There was, at one point before my grandmother passed away, 3 generations of us women that would get together to make them. We would naturally, over the years, fall into our roles- whether it was measuring out the ingredients, mixing the dough, rolling it into our traditional shapes, or decorating them to perfection, we work together so harmoniously that we can make hundreds of these cookies on our baking day. In fact, this year, we made 816 Italian cookies! We would stay up late at night playing bingo for pennies around the big dinner table, work at our grandfather’s fruit stand at the city produce market, and play for hours in the stream behind our grandparents’ house. I can remember hearing family members cheer me on at my dance recitals and plays, using their loud voices to make sure I knew they were there. So much of who I am is a direct result of my wonderful Italian upbringing.
Of course, every light casts a shadow- such is the duality and balance of life. There was always an emphasis that family loyalty is paramount. If we couldn’t make a Sunday dinner, we called and explained why. If we were having a rough day, we put on a happy face and still showed up. If a family member was struggling, everyone was eager to know the details and insert themselves to try and be part of the solution. At times that was helpful, but at times it was emotionally taxing. Conflicts were often set aside to preserve harmony within the family dynamics, because the prevailing belief was that family loyalty trumps all else. I didn’t realize it then, but although I had learned some very important foundational values growing up that helped shape me into the person I am today, I had also learned what I believed were universal truths that were detrimental to me as I grew into adulthood; I had learned that personal boundaries didn’t have to be respected with family, and that family unity needed to be prioritized above all else, even above our own physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. The lesson of who I was taught to be and who I am, met at a crossroads when my sister, Jessica, and I struggled with our relationship in our adult years.
At times, it was difficult for us to be around each other. Even everyday conversations could trigger old wounds, unintentionally reopening emotional spaces we hadn’t fully healed. Because of my experiences growing up, I had learned to become more private about my life and chose not to share much of anything important going on in my life with my family. I realized that working through challenges helped me grow stronger while having my family attempt to intervene (with the best of intentions), could interfere with my growth. Jessica has processed life experiences differently than me. She remained deeply connected to her childhood and openly shared everything happening in her world- including stories involving both of us and our periodic conflicts. And, true to our expressive Italian roots, when she shared these stories with family, they were often told with a flair for drama that could sometimes make mountains out of molehills. It was difficult, for me, to protect my inner peace if there was tension between us because, as you might expect, our family would hear of our conflicts from her point of view, and left me not only feeling like I had to answer to them with my perspective, but I’d also have to endure listening to them about how we should either quickly rectify the conflict by simply apologizing to each other or set it aside altogether because we were family. Over the years I had learned that stuffing the feelings away eventually becomes a heavy load to carry, and I would sometimes feel like at any moment, I could implode. Learning to listen to my body, I knew this wasn’t a healthy solution for me. To avoid these types of situations, it felt like the only solution at the time was to distance myself from her. If we weren’t around each other, there was zero chance of conflicts, right? Although that was true, in doing so, I felt our relationship start to slowly drift apart.
Sometime in the spring of 2025, I was surfing the internet and saw that there was a Reiki retreat coming up on the east coast (NERR). Although it would be an 8- hour drive to get there, I felt called to go, and I asked Jessica if she would like to go along with me. She and I did our Reiki Levels 1, 2, and Reiki Master training together. Perhaps being raised in our very caring, Italian family made us both have the desire to help others. I also saw the retreat as an opportunity for us to re-connect and solidify our sisterly bond, away from all the noise of the rest of the world.
The retreat was wonderful. We learned so many practical lessons and met some great people. In our down time, we practiced self-care in our hotel room, grounded ourselves by walking around the lake, and took in the beautiful sights, sounds, and energy around us. I have fond memories of us laughing until we cried, just like we did as little girls, when the under-eye patches we had put on for some self-care time started sliding down our faces. I pulled out my journal while Jessica was in the shower that night and started recording how I could feel healing happening in the moment when I came to the realization that she took so much time and effort before the retreat to plan these self-care evenings for us in the hopes of making them a bonding experience. Our rooms did not have phones, televisions, or distractions, we only had each other. This set the stage for us to be more authentic and vulnerable with each other for the first time in a very long time. The moment that really brought everything together, though, was when we shared Reiki on our last night there. The setting was conducive for deep healing; it was dark outside, quiet, and although the space we were in had room for multiple Reiki shares, we were the only ones there at the time. We could hear the drum circle in the far distance, raising our vibrations as we performed Reiki on each other.
As Jessica laid her hands on me, I felt an overwhelming amount of peace and love. Her hands were warm, and I felt that Reiki energy flowing through me like a hot cup of tea. I could feel my heart-center expanding and I found myself having flashbacks of the two of us growing up together- both the good times and the bad. As the Reiki continued to flow, I started to remember all the ways that we were the same as opposed to focusing on all the ways in which we were different. I could feel every part of my being starting to soften and return to a place of inner peace. Lying on the table, I realized we were no longer children—we were grown women, and if we wanted to rebuild and sustain a healthy relationship, despite how we were taught to resolve conflict (just set it aside), we could make our own rules. We didn’t have to swallow our feelings, it was okay to speak our truths, redefine our relationship, and honor each other’s boundaries with love and respect. Reiki brought us back together that night.
On our 8-hour drive home the next day, we broke down barriers and chose to release whatever kept us from having honest, productive, healing conversations. Reiki helped us feel safe being vulnerable with one another and truly listen to each other’s perspectives. That ride became more than just a journey home—it was a turning point, where understanding replaced judgment, and love began to rebuild what had been strained for far too long. Today, our relationship looks different than it did before, but it is more honest, more intentional, and rooted in mutual respect- a relationship built not just on shared history, but on conscious healing and growth.
Closing Thoughts: Living the Reiki Way As I continue to navigate the ebbs and flows of life, there is one thing I know for sure- living the Reiki way has been pivotal for me. Every day it helps me to bridge the gap and find that balance between being authentic while remaining connected to my strong roots. I remain grateful for the experiences and the lessons I learned at that retreat. True to what we were taught about the importance of family traditions, Jessica and I have agreed to make it our own tradition to attend that retreat each year and continue to strengthen our bond through Reiki. After all, Reiki remains my anchor- offering steadiness, support and a gentle reminder to stay open to the flow of life.

Julie is a Reiki Master Teacher and a certified spiritual healer through the James Van Praagh School of Mystical Arts. She owns Love Yourself First Metaphysical Shop & Healing Center in Manchester, MD, offering Reiki sessions and classes, selling crystals and holistic items, and hosting events and parties. Julie enjoys reading, music, traveling, and spending time with her fiancé Shawn, sons Trent and Brody, stepdaughter Scarlett, two cats and a dog. Julie’s website is www.loveyourselffirstshop.com, and her email is moc.liamg%40pohstsrifflesruoyevol.